What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
What do you call an anorexic person with a yeast infection?
A quarter-pounder with cheese.
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
Why do people with Down syndrome always look funny?
It’s their funny face.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?
..... She had cancer.... ;)
