Medical condition jokes
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?
Hair pull.
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
I would tell a scoliosis joke.
But that would be completely out of line.
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"