Meat jokes

What does a chicken give you?

Student: Meat.

What does a pig give you?

Student: Bacon.

What does a fat cow give you?

Student: Homework.

What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?

They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.

Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?

Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?

Sir Loin.

What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?

The cat is still alive.

What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?

Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

What is a cow that's good at math good for?

Meat pie.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop!

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

How do emos like their meat cooked?

Medium rawr.

What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?

The cold shoulder.

I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

It's easy to roast beef.

Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.

Why is it okay to stab meat, but I can't stab myself? These woke lefties, BLM, Antifa, feminists, eco-warriors, pro-vaccine libtards are stopping your freedom and right to stab yourself!

Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?

Because it was a misteak.