Meat

Meat Jokes

Microwave

What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?

The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.

Ice Cream

Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?

To make room in the freezer for his special meat.

Girl

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

Difference

What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?

Only one moans when I put my meat in it.

Priest

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.

Name

What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?

Ground beef.

McDonald's

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

  • 5
  • Sex

    If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.

    Scarecrow

    1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

    2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.

    3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”

    4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

    5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.

    6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.

    7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.

    8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

    9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

    10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.

    11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).

    12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

    13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

    14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

    15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.

    16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

    17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

    Glory Hole

    What is the origin of the glory hole?

    The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.

    Spanking

    Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

    At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

    Wife

    I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.

    Husband

    Her husband prepares them a romantic dinner. The wife tells her husband about her desire for it. The husband was clueless about such acts. So, the wife tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay underneath her naked in the reverse missionary position.

    She starts thrusting with his meat inside of her and starts waiting for him to thrust along with her thrusts. However, the husband didn’t know what to do, so he just laid there. Suddenly the wife had an urge to pee, but held it in because her husband’s joystick was right inside her. She loses control after a while and lets one drip out. The wife apologizes profusely and continues thrusting her husband. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another drip of urine run down the husband’s schlong to his pelvis.

    The husband throws the wife from the couch, gets up, and says,

    "Honey, if you think I’ll be screwed by you for more of that, you’re out of your mind."