ME jokes

Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"

Me: "Nun."

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

Person: You can't kill an orphan!

Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?

what's flat and great for cutting? me.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.

What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

"Adopt Me."

"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"

I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

Me: Hi Jacob!

Jacob: Hi.

Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!

Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Follow me.

I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎

Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.