ME jokes

I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.

Police: Where do you live?

Me: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live?

Me: With me.

Police: Where do you all live?

Me: Together.

Police: Where is your house?

Me: Next to my neighbor.

Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?

Me: If I tell you, you won’t believe me.

Police: Tell me.

Me: Next to my house.

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.

My father left me at a young age.

He was only five.

I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.

Wanna hear a good joke?

My dad’s love for me.

Knock knock. Who's there? Crippling depression. Crippling depression who? Me.

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

Your mom has a bone to pick with me.

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!

So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:

Sans: "Sub bro."

Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"

Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."

Sans: "A skele-ton."

(Drum effect)

Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"

My ex-wife still misses me...

BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.

My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange?" I said: "No it doesn't."

I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.

I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."