ME jokes

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Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

  • 0

    • I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...

    Then it hit me!

    I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

    So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

    But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

    So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

    This was the best day of my life.

    This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

  • 2

    • My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

    Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...

    His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...

  • 1

    • Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    Crippling depression.

    Crippling depression who--?

    Me.

  • 1

    • My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

  • 6

    • People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.

    What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

    The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.

    A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

    Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

    If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.