ME jokes

Mirror

    • Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

    Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

    Border

    • I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

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    • Food

    • My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

    Cannibal

    • A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

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    • Daughter

    • Dad: How was your trip to the park?

    Daughter: It was good until the man came along.

    Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?

    Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...

    Dad: Oh God, what next?

    Daughter: Nothing, that was it.

    Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!

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    • Teeth

    • The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

    The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

    "Yellow and far apart."

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    • Nun

    • A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

    Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

    However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

    She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

    The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

    "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

    So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

    After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

    She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

    "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

    "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

    "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

    Now, how about that drink?

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    • Life

    • Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite." Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly." Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game." Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..." Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*

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    • Clown

    • Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

    Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

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    • Comeback

    • Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!

    Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!

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    • Adoption

    • A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"

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