ME jokes
Friend, you're bold and fat.
Me: Bro, go to the bathroom and look at the mirror. You will probably break it.
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
Me and 1/2 of my friends.
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
The only joke my dad ever made was me.
Baby: Stroll?
Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!
Baby: *happily screams*
Stroller: *front wheels break off*
Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!
Baby: Oka- CRASH!
I tried to high-five a tree. It left me hanging.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"
BA DUM TSS
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Call me an elevator, because I let people down.
Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.
I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”