ME jokes
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Me.
Me who?
Not me.
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.
How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.
How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
Okay class, who can tell me who the fastest readers are?
The pilots of 9/11 went through the Twin Towers, 6 in 3 seconds.
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...
Then IT hit me.
One, I grow some som more, yea, I am 4. I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, that's me.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."