ME jokes
Would you rather date me or a lady?
I laid deez nuts in your mouth.
When I saw you, it instantly made me cry. LOL.
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.
PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂
The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.
My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?
Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D
Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?
Me: Call The Police Ka!!!
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
I saw this kid on the street wearing a rag. I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
When I throw a dodge ball at a person taller than me, it's always a nut shot.
"Butter, butter, and butter, please, please bring me butter."
Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:
Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.
Her: Really? What?
Me: Sweet-in-low.
Her: Why?
Me: Because you're artificial.
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.
I don't like Roblox Adopt Me. It reminds me of my past.