ME jokes
The Twin Towers remind me of an emote... bing, bang, boom.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.
Me: The light wow brighter than my future.
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
Me: "The villain has a point, you know."
Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me.
F*** man, I just need a f***ing loli to walk all over me!
I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.
What's an orphan's favorite game to play on Roblox? The game Adopt Me.
Imagine this whole “Dr. Strange jokes” is just full of people simping over him.
Couldn’t Be Me.
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
What is a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.