People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.
If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them just answer the phone and say "Pizza Hut abortion clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
My grandpa may be a pedo but at least he slows down in the school car park
My favorite toast for parties:
May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
guys don’t let nobody hurt you with words like someone once said sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me
Man asking waitress, " Pardon me miss may I ask you about the menu please?" Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!". The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death you may end up regretting it, you can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if i’m wrong.
What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill? An avalanche, What about Mexicans you may ask? A mudslide What about black people running down a hill?? A jailbreak.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he wrist in peach.
imagine getting a call and it says "welcome to Davids orphanage you make them we take them how may we help you.
Student: "may I use the restroom professor?"😆🤣😂😅
Professor: "oui oui"🤣😆😂😅
Stundent: "no professor, DOO DOO"🤣😆😂😅
My syndrome may be down but my hopes are always up
It funny how you feel so alone with depression and yet once you tell people on some random website so may people relate unfortunately it doesn't stop the loneliness
I tour up my homework, but I then replaced it with this copy it may look like it but trust me its diffrenet! The answers ARE RIGHT better than left!
Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."
Sticks and stones may break my bones but there will always be something that offends feminists.
