What can a rock possibly say?
Answer: I'll fuck ya mum rock hard.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
Hey, I asked for a paper, but I thought it was a cut, but it turns out it was tearable.
What do you call a train that carries glue?
A glue-glue train!
Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.
Can a box match? No, but a tin can.
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Velcro is such a rip-off.
I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.
Do you want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tear-able.
What's long, black, and sticky?
A stick.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.
My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^
Pontypool is rough.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Glue is sticky.
hahahahahhhahaha
