Many jokes
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.
How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to pull a permit, one to schedule the inspector, and one to change the bulb.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
Don’t suicide! Please don’t, it’s horrible, and you will hurt so many people that love you.
That’s why no one will be hurt.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.
"How do celebrities stay cool?"
"They have many fans!"
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.