Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
Why did the wheel fall?
Because there were too many fat people on it.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?
There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?
How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
35! Do you have a problem with that?
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Person 1: How smart are you?
Person 2: Really smart.
Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?
Person 2: 1 ghost is left.
Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!
So dark.
Many jokes about orphans.
God, this is the second worst thing to happen to these orphans!
One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"
The other said, "Do you have that many?"
Why is Sonic so fat? He eats too many chili dogs.
BREAKING NEWS
All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.
The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.
Why don’t rappers ever get cold?
Because they have so many fans!
Why couldn’t the booty be on social media?
It had too many FOLLOWERS behind it.
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.
How many times do I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
