Many jokes
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.
How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they sit in the dark and cry.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? 327.
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?
Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?
Because it’s a fungi.
I am curious how many likes this will get.
LIKE IT!!!!!
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many gray hares it has.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."