Many

Many jokes

Explorer

    • Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.

    "After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."

    This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.

    "There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."

    Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.

    The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.

    The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.

    Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.

    The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.

    After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."

    "Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?

    Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.

    When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.

    Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.

    Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."

    Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.

    Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.

    "But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.

    Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"

  • 2

    • Train

    • Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

    Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

    Many memes

    Suicide

    • Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

  • 0

    • Indian

    • NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".

    SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.

    WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.

  • 4

    • Brick

    • Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.

    What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

    What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

    The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

    Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

    Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

  • 11

    • Lesbian

    • How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

    I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

  • 2

    • Teacher

    • Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

    Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

    Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

    5 minutes later

    Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

    Teacher, the one sucking it?

    Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.

  • 0

    • Mom

    • Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.

    Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.

    Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.

  • 1