Many jokes
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.