Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?
Because he is never around Siri.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
