How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
How many South Africans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.
Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?
Because he is never around Siri.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
