How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?
"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."
Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.
Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"
One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."
The other said, "Really? I like my bed."
A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
Cao ni man sha bi lalla shabi.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
I thought @$$hole Trump was a businessman, not a broke man.
A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
