Man jokes
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
A black man walked into a bar. Another guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto! 😂
Why did God create women with pussies?
Because:
1. Of course, God is a man.
2. Of course, he isn't gay.
3. Of course, he is a perv too (for wanting more pussies)!
A redneck and a Black man walk into a bar and order a drink.
What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack.
A gay guy asked me for directions, so I told him to go straight.
Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.
Man in boxers leads policeman on brief chase.
A man attacked me with cheese and milk. How dairy!
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"