Do you want to know how to make s Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!

How do you make an orphans hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?

My mom ask stop making joke about suicide I answer- don’t worry …I stop soon

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help mean understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So me with my horrible humor decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, “Here you are a fine African meal.” then everybody looked at me in disappointment and then I continued to say, “what poor taste?”

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: “You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I’ll let you live. If you don’t, I’ll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive.” But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: “Tell him that if he doesn’t tell me where the loot is, I’ll shoot him here and now.” Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. “What did he say?” asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: “He said, ‘You don’t have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.’”

whats the hardest part when making skimmed milk? throwing the cow across the lake

What makes suicide illegal?

Getting caught.

U wanna hear a Suicide joke nvm it didn’t make it

I make science puns, but only periodically :3

I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn’t fit in the pot.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm

How do you make 7 an even number? Take the s out!

What’s the best part about plowing your cousin?

-It makes your sister jealous

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten-tickles.

Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?

It got stuck in a crack

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.

What do you do with epileptic lettuce? – You make a seizure salad.

Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make em, we scrape em. No fetus can beat us.