Sister

Anonymous

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

Head

Anonymous

Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.

Orphan

LIL JIMBO

If you are going to make fun of someone make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy. Dark humor is like a kid with cancer it never gets old.

Puns

Self-made man

I’ve just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.

Puns

Anonymous

I was going to make a chemistry joke… But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)

Orphan

Anonymous

Welcome to daves orphanage. You make it We take it

Difference

Anonymous

3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”

Man

Anonymous

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, “for the France!” And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “long live the queen!” And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS”

Prostitution

Anonymous

How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.

Movie

Anonymous

I don’t understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy, It usually takes me days

Minutes

Spooky monk

Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.

Girl

PackersFan

Is Google a girl or a boy?

Obviously a Girl, because it won’t let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.

Orphan

Jokes4Days

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

They can never make it home

Cup

Georgealmighty

How does Moses make his cup of tea Hebrews it

Difference

Overwatch_Gamer321

There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Depression

Greengrass

Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: seeing others happy Doctor : ok so what makes you happy? Me: seeing stupid people in misery or agony Doctor: Well that’s rather sadistic. Me: well statistically one in two doctors have fingerd a child… Doctor: do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy? Me: there’s nothing hidden inside me, I’m empty “smug face”.

Minutes

Anonymous

Chuck Norris can make minute made lemonade in 5 seconds.

Baby

Anonymous

How does you make a baby astronaut sleep? You rock-it

Fire

Splittingmean

Sixty years ago Stephen Hawkings teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams kids reach for the stars.

White

Anonymous

Why can’t two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wongs don’t make a white

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