Magic jokes
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?
Why don’t witches wear underwear?
To get a better grip on their broom.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...
In A minor.
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running, JK rolling!
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!