Love Jokes

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.

You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.

The image shows a comparison of two images of trucks with the text 'how it started' and 'how it's going' written above it. The first image on the left shows a white truck with its front hood open and two cartoon hands pointing at the vehicle. The second image on the right shows two trucks in a romantic embrace, framed by a red heart. The image also has the user name "dexter" and the handle "@DexterSoWhat" and the text "So now even trucks getting more love than me?"

I love Little Mix.

I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.

People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.

What does an orphan wish they could do?

Wish happy Mother's Day and Father's Day.

What dinosaur loves music?

The velociRAPtor!

My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I see you, I play with my poo.

I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

My heart is like a plane.

It crashes every once in a while.

So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.

Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

A note for my old English Teacher:

Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...

And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!