Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
I molested a child today, and it felt quite lovely on my penis! 👍
I love Stephen Hawking jokes so much because they roll off the tongue so nicely.
The reason I love Stephen Hawking is because they roll off the tongue so nicely.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Cashew see I’m nuts about you!?
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.
If anyone can see Alya KUHL please tell me! I love and miss her...
Hey Stacey, love!
Why do dwarfs love penis? It tickles their insides.
Why do orphans love chips ,Because there all family sized
what do you and orphans have in common?
nobody loves you
What do Joe Biden and orphans have in common?
No one loves them!
Why can't a orphan be in a relationship,,,,
They have no one to call daddy
why do orphans love dogs because dogs stay with them
