Love jokes
Why do orphans love violent video games like GTA?
They never had parents to protect them from it.
My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
Guess the joke.
Your girlfriend.
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
I molested a child today, and it felt quite lovely on my penis! 👍
I love Stephen Hawking jokes so much because they roll off the tongue so nicely.
The reason I love Stephen Hawking is because they roll off the tongue so nicely.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.