Look jokes

What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?

"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.

That’s like 20 years from now, I said.

He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.

You look easy to draw.

Your hairline looks like a brick wall.

"Ukraine looks like Fallout 4, woah!"

Just looking for a cunt...

Oh hello, found one.

I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.

Your hairline looks like Thanos snapped your hair out of existence.

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.

What do all rangas have in common?

They all look like wildfires.

Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?

I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.

I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

Bully: Who you looking at?

Me: A Build-A-Bear.

Bully: Where?

Me: Look in the mirror.