Look jokes

Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.

Yo hairline so long, it makes you look like Mr. Clean.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.

Your hairline is so far back, even Vegeta laughed at it!

Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.

McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"

Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

How'd the skeleton know it was going to rain? He looked at the weather forecast.

Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

I am awesome, look at me!

Your head is so big, it looks like traffic is able to fit on it!