Look Jokes

Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they’re deemed cured and free to go.

Jon was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, „Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?“ Jon said, „I’d be half blind.“ „That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?“ „I’d be completely blind.“ The doctor stood up, shook Jon’s hand, and told him he was free.

On Jon’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked, „What would happen if I cut off one ear?“ Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, „I’d be half blind.“ The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. „What if I cut off the other ear?“ „I’d be completely blind,“ Amanpreet answered. „Amanpreet, can you explain how you’d be *blind*?“ „My hat would fall down over my eyes.“

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

„You’re not going to have time to finish this,“ the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet. „Yes I will,“ replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.

1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

„No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.“ The student looked incredulous and angry. „Do you know who I am?“

„No, as a matter of fact I don’t,“ replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice. „Do you know who I am?“ the student asked again. „No, and I don’t care,“ replied the professor with an air of superiority. „Good,“ replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.

I am awesome look at me

you ever look back at your ex and are like 'wow! what was i think?' then i start to think i was the problem :( just kidding fuck that asshole

Roses are red... blood is too... I wonder how... blood would look on you.

One time i looked out the window and then i saw my sister and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

I took an hour long shower, the german officers were looking at me kinda scared.

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?".The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off.".

Your mama smells so bad. Everytime she goes outside. She gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly everytime she looks out a window she gets arrested for mooning.

Your mama has slept with so many guys. She's starting to look like one.

Your mama is so fat. I had to look twice to get a first impression.

I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.

Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

My wife is so ugly when she was born. The doctor said I did everything I could but she pulled through anyways. When she was born the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in said not done. The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said twins. He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the after birth.

Bro you look like you got your hair from the Roblox avatar shop.

1+1 answer 2 said all the kids but 1 kid said 5 then I said your mom fells inbarest cause everyday you look in to the mirror you see how empty your brain is

Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”

Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”

Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”

I once masturbated in the bathroom

I was looking for something, for a little help

Looked in the wardrobe And found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN

Wanna here a joke?

Look in the mirror i'm sure you'll fine one there :')

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her-Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was there mother

bully: who you looking at me: a bulid a bear bully: where me : look in the mirror