Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!
( Btw I never actually did this irl yet)
So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why a made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying ) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.
I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!
Please read all of it I know it's long please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying as she was praying she came to an end: " Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died the dad thought it was just coincidence so he carried on his day. At night he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. After he heard goodbye grandma his facial expression changed and went straight to bed. The next morning the grandma died out of nowhere the dad began to worry and continued on his day, at night he heard his daughter again " Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad got scared so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there so that's what he did. When he got home the next day his wife asked where he had been and he replied back " Sorry honey I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: " OH YOU THINK YOU HAD A BAD THE MAILMAN JUST DIED ON THE FRONTPORCH THIS MORNING" If you get it you get it.
Me and my mom order Chinese food. My mom grab the egg roll, and start licking it up and down, and sucking on it in from of the Chinese delivery. I said why are you doing that for. Then my mom I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food.
Horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies saying "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart." The bartender responds saying "oh" sympathetically. "sucks to be you!" The bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay moving on you took to long, how many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge (*Their reply* Idk how many) 3, Open the fridge put the elephant into the fridge and close the door. how do you put a giraffe into the fridge (*Their reply* 3...) Wrong 4, Open the fridge take out the elephant put in the giraffe and close the door, why did sully fall off the swing, A fridge fell on her
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
Jay and Andrew, are best friends whom are almost alike, the difference between them both is Jay is poor and well...Andrew on the other hand is suck-a-dick-poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes-up in his room, walks to the kitchen and asks his mom Lisa (I call her Lisa now btw) if there is anything to eat, "No bitch !" She replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed. Now Andrew...wakes-up jumps out of bed and he's in the kitchen, he sees his mom fixing some for work, after a long hard night of giving her husband blue-balls, "Anything left for me Mother?" Andrew asks "Sorry Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work taking her time * Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself "Man...I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if u do my first customer for me!!! "
The Drunk and a priest
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
if it is some-ones birthday say this for a joke a long time ago in a far away galaxy
YOU WERE BORN!!!!
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches , I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish !
Then there is a bear , he thinks if that fly drops six inches , that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish !
This huntsman also thinks to him self 🧐 if that fly drops six inches , fish jumps up , bear runs out eats the fish . I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear .
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse , who also thinks to him self 🧐 if that fly drops six inches , fish jumps , bear runs , huntsman shoots ,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket !!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile ..,
there’s This cat !!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings ...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches . Fish jumps up . Bear grabs the fish . Huntsman shoots the fucking bear ,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE !!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat Slips over him ( stacks it ) cat falls in the river ...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS .............
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet )
WALLOP ... try remembering all that in A pub pissed . Xx
McNeill mom wrote a shopping list for supper ... cabbage _50 Carrots-50 Cooking fat -100 Onions_20 Tomato-20 salt-10 Total=250 she gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients. McNeill took long to return home from the shopping ... His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long . McNeill answered I have all the ingredients but I'm looking for total
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him Rachel said. Watch two martial arts movies , eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar. Jim replied with a shocked look, that's what I do after Mr tugman shakes my hand to long.
How long is it
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages. One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
