My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.
Am I in Florida, because I'm triggered?
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
A man (Ameenya Sheed) texts another man (Bob) and said,
"Hi, I'm Ameenya Sheed."
Bob: "You're not in my shed because I don't have one, but I have a garage. I don't think you're in there."
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?
Where you left it.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.
Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.
Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
Yo mama stops at the PokeStop... to buy a Big Mac.
