Living jokes
What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?
Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
Who says Rihanna isn't charitable?
I mean, she found Johnny Depp for her fashion show by scouting for people living in tents down in Skid Row.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.
Memes
I know where you live.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
I like my women how I like my wine.
Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
Who is the man behind all lives matter?
Michael Jackson.
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.