Living jokes
A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
My live.
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
Nolan is a mole, who lives in a hole, and then had intercourse with a troll.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
I like my women how I like my wine.
Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.
Suicide gives you security for the future.
Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.