A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money. Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole. The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money. The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money you worthless old fart.”
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done I said "How bout you give me a standing ovation." I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair. Sad and lonely
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zomBEE.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...
Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "mummy what`s that building over there"? The mother looked at the prison, smiled and said "that's where the cotton pickers live.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Why did the pillow cross the road
Because his cousins name was Koshin and he didnt want to live anymore
“One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and...“ He is interrupted. “Why are you saying this aloud?” A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, “You wanted to know how to live on your own. But I guess experience is more helpful,” he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
What's the worst living thing on planet earth? Humans
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
My live.
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed. "Cheese-its Christ!"
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
Nolan is a mole, who lives in a hole, and then had intercourse with a troll.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
