Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
Doctor: you don't have long to live. 10... Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
My doctor said "you have 1year to live"
I said " you wanna bet"
Bam a gun shot
A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "mummy what`s that building over there"? The mother looked at the prison, smiled and said "that's where the cotton pickers live.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes , I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane
Do [or "Oh, do"] you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes [or "Oh, yes"], I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane
Why did the pillow cross the road
Because his cousins name was Koshin and he didnt want to live anymore
“One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and...“ He is interrupted. “Why are you saying this aloud?” A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, “You wanted to know how to live on your own. But I guess experience is more helpful,” he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
What's the worst living thing on planet earth? Humans
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE! Doctor: sit down for a minute.
My live
What do will from stranger things and the fresh prince of belair have is common there both named will and there lives both got flipped turned upside down
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed. "Cheese-its Christ!"
Person: 'Doctor, doctor I've only got 50 seconds to live'
Doctor: 'Just give me a minute'
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
Nolan is a mole, who lives in a hole, and then had intercourse with a troll.
On Xbox live an orphan can say they f ed your mom so you can say at least mine didnt die from it.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
If I had a coin for every time someone said "If I had a coin" I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
