Literature jokes
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
"Why is Peter Pan always flying?"
"He never lands."
I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
Who is the most famous skeleton? Sherlock Bones.
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers.
Wolf looks like a fox.
It has the sharpest claws.
It has a bushy tail.
To eat, it doesn't fail.
It has a coat of red.
My grandmother has said,
It hunts in search of food.
It is never, never good!
The clock struck one!
Then down did come!
Hickory dickory doc
What am I?
Random- a mouse?
Me- no dumb shit!
Random- what is it?
Me- the guillotine!
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”
I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.
I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.
Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.
What's the name of a crazy crap that wins everything? Winnie da Pooh.
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!