Line jokes

I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.

Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!

What did the hairdresser say to the power line?

"Want a power cut?"

What is the similarity between math and buildings?

Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.

A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.

First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.

When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.

The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.

"Why did you move?" the German asked.

The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."

I would tell a scoliosis joke.

But that would be completely out of line.

Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

Your teeth are so out of line, even James Charles is straighter than them.

Like if you like porn.

What’s ten feet long and bald?

The conga line in the cancer ward.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.

There is a thin line between death and life!

You won't live to see it.....

The Cardiogram will!!

After every line, say “I’m a man.”

I went to the club. (I’m a man)

I met a girl. (I’m a man)

I took her to the bar. (I’m a man)

We got some drinks. (I’m a man)

I took her home. (I’m a man)

We got in bed. (I’m a man)

She whispered in my ear... (I’m a man)

A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.

Yeah, that was the punchline.

Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.