Like jokes

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?

Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."

The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?

Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

What do emo kids like to do in their spare time?

Hanging out.

You can sink the Titanic like you can drive a bike. Not a joke.

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.

Friend: Like what?

Me: My name, my address, my phone number...

Why don’t Chinese people model? Because it would look like the same model every time.

At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!

Roblox Talent Shows be like:

Host: Next Up is Bob!

Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-

*Buzzing Noises*

Judges: You suck!

Bob: I'm reporting!

*Bob get's kicked from the server*

I tell orphan jokes like there ain’t no parents around.

Why don't Bald Eagles like fast food? It always runs away!