Like jokes

At school, this gurl was like, "You're ugly!" And I'm like, "Gurl, your mirror cracks the moment you step in front of it."

Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?

Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."

The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.

Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?

Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.

Friend: Like what?

Me: My name, my address, my phone number...

Why don’t clams like to share?

Because they’re very shellfish.

What do emo kids like to do in their spare time?

Hanging out.

You can sink the Titanic like you can drive a bike. Not a joke.

Why don’t Chinese people model? Because it would look like the same model every time.

At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!

Roblox Talent Shows be like:

Host: Next Up is Bob!

Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-

*Buzzing Noises*

Judges: You suck!

Bob: I'm reporting!

*Bob get's kicked from the server*

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?