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Family Tree

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

Orphan

Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?

Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."

Soldier

Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?

Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!

Abortion

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

Memes

Teacher

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

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  • Big Ben

    At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!

    Wife

    Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.

    Friend: Like what?

    Me: My name, my address, my phone number...

    Kid

    What do emo kids like to do in their spare time?

    Hanging out.

    Priest

    What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

    Nothing, they both like kids.

    Funeral

    My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

    They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

    Roblox

    Roblox Talent Shows be like:

    Host: Next Up is Bob!

    Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-

    *Buzzing Noises*

    Judges: You suck!

    Bob: I'm reporting!

    *Bob get's kicked from the server*

    Model

    Why don’t Chinese people model? Because it would look like the same model every time.

    Father

    I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

    Hair Style

    My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

    Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

    Clam

    Why don’t clams like to share?

    Because they’re very shellfish.