Like jokes
Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
Yo dad is like a boomerang; he never comes back.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Ice cream is just like I scream.
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
Like if you know an orphan.
Why don’t eagles 🦅 like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.
Hi, this is not a joke. Please like, or I will be verrrrrrry sad! -_-
Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."
Why do orphans not like 1st-5th grade teachers?
Because they have a home room.
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
Orphans don't like "Family Feud."
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?
"Looks like a rerun."