Like jokes
I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.
Think like a proton--stay positive!
yo kermit you tryna be like michael jackson?
So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?
Because he’s always on the webcast.
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
Orphan: I want to be like Batman.
Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.
What do black lesbians say about pussy?
"Smells like chicken, tastes like chicken."
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.