Like jokes
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.
Air.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.
Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.
But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.
Why do physically disabled gay men like performing blowjobs on well-endowed, abled-bodied gay men?
Because physically disabled gay men prefer eating pepperoni than eating sausage links for dinner 🍽
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70-year-old.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.