Life jokes
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
I asked an orphan where his parents were.
(God, I wish I knew)
Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.
Oh . . .
:(
Continue.
People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
Everything.
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
These are meannnnn.
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
How to not exist: Kys.
My social life.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.
What's worse than Aaron with Down syndrome?
Aaron with a rope.
What’s an orphan’s favorite cereal?
Because it’s the only magical string in his life.
Why can’t an emo have sex?
They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.