Life jokes

I want to die.

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.

Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.

What do you call a person with cancer?

A ghost with a body.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.

I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕

And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!

Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.

Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"

Because it doesn't matter your age.

What's a plus side to being an orphan?

Every bag of chips is family size. T - T

Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?

Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.

Want to know the difference between an orphan and a flower??

Flowers get picked.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.

Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"

Orphan: "Stop calling here!"

Me in the corner.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.