A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi.
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
My fucking life, cya.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.
My sex life.
