Life jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.

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"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"

My sex life.

POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.

What did Earth say to the other planets?

"You guys have no life!"

Does anyone else just want to die, or is it just me?

A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.

The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."

"You should tell your parents," I replied back.

The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.

My life, haha, so funny!

If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

Depressed person: *chokes on food*

*involuntary coughs until they can breathe*

"AWWW! I failed the race!"

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.

Monster: “I will devour your family.”

Orphan: “Oh.”

My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.

I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.