Life jokes
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
"PENIS WAIT WHAT OENIS SUCK MINE DADDY?" Sorry, you are an orphan.
ATTENTION EVERYBODY: I am the owner of this website, and I will be deleting it in 5 hours. Thank you everybody who has participated in this website's life. Goodbye!
Your face and your life.
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
Life is like a penis. It is short.
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.
What do emos do?
Hang.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
Yo mama so stupid, your mama thinks that VR is real life.
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.