Life jokes
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
How to not exist: Kys.
Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.
Marry or don't marry, you will regret both!
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Most orphans were born on the highway. It’s where most accidents [happen].
I heard life was a gift. Well, I hope they kept the receipt, because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."
You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.
Dee.
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
I get jealous when my phone dies.
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.