Life jokes
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
Fill it out if u want
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?