Life jokes
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
Memes
If you guys are smart, you will get this.
Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.