Life jokes
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
Fill it out if u want
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.