Life jokes
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
Fill it out if u want
Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!
Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-