What’s a orphans favorite cereal.
Because it’s the only magical sting in his life
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
Rape the only sign of world peace in this life.
Did u know a erasor on a pencil slowly dies of your mistakes and did u know your actually supposed to live for 25 min but every time u breath resets time
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I could be red I could be orange I could be yellow I could be green, I could be blue I could be purple but I would be dead
Ashley said to me one day that what is my name and I said my name is everyday life of stupidity
I was in sahara desert, dying of thirst. Thankfully, pionel pessi the debut man came to my rescue👨🚒 He brought in 100's of helicopters filled with bottles to quench my thirst. I asked him how he had so many bottles, "big games" he replied. Thanks for saving my life my idol.
Who need April 1st if your whole life is already a lie ༼⍨༽
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...
But now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God. It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive. Miscarriages is ok because God did not want the baby to be alive.
What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him your life is ruined. So Jim took a picture of her and the next thing you know he said is NOW MY PHONE IS RUINED.
What's life if you don't have one...
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. 24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back. 31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.
