Life jokes
I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.
What did the tree do to the emo? Left her hanging.
What's worse than dedicating your life to build back the towers? Doing it and getting terrorized for it...
What does Fortnite and real life have in common?
They both lost their tower.
My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.
Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
How to know something won’t be fun:
Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"
Question: What does tennis have that orphans don't get?
Answer: Love.
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
Orphan, they're enough of a joke.
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.
Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
Why are all orphans criminals?
Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.
Because I am an orphan.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?