Life jokes

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?

Put a flower on their gravestone.

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.

What did the tree do to the emo? Left her hanging.

What's worse than dedicating your life to build back the towers? Doing it and getting terrorized for it...

What does Fortnite and real life have in common?

They both lost their tower.

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

How to know something won’t be fun:

Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"

Question: What does tennis have that orphans don't get?

Answer: Love.

What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?

They can both be replaced.

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”

Orphan, they're enough of a joke.

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"