Life jokes
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
Stephen Hawking is ALIVE!
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
My life.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
My life, lmao.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Life is all that matters.
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
Your face and your life.
Karolien's life.
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.