Life jokes
I have special needs, and I was born with it.
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Your family in a nutshell.
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
I love time.
What do you call an orphan?
A bootysnagger45.
Why is time important? To not be late.
When your mum tells you to help your granny And you in plug life support.
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
My life is a joke.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
Death once had a near Chuck experience.
Your life, ahhahaha!
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.
You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.